North Dakota Lawmakers Mull 'Agencies Got Talent' Contest to Determine Government Efficiency
Talent show would determine which agencies “are in” and which “can go.”
BISMARCK, N.D. — In a move blending legislative action with reality TV, North Dakota lawmakers are considering an amendment to House Bill 1442 that would transform the proposed Legislative Task Force on Government Efficiency into a statewide competition dubbed “Agencies Got Talent.” The initiative aims to pit state agencies against each other in a series of bureaucratic challenges to determine their efficiency and justify their existence.
House Bill 1442, introduced by Rep. Nathan Toman, R-Mandan, seeks to establish a task force dedicated to reviewing and analyzing budgets and reports from various state agencies, boards and commissions. The task force's mandate includes identifying areas to increase efficiency, implementing cost-saving measures, and targeting outdated or overly restrictive regulations. The proposed amendment, however, takes this a step further by incorporating a competitive element inspired by popular talent shows.
“We need to ensure that taxpayer dollars are funding agencies that can perform under pressure,” said Rep. Toman. “If an agency can't draft a balanced budget in five minutes or create a state form in less than fifteen, perhaps it's time to reconsider their role.”
Proposed Competition Events
The “Agencies Got Talent” competition would feature a series of events designed to test the mettle of state employees. Proposed challenges include:
The Fiscal Gauntlet: Teams must construct a balanced two-year state budget in five minutes while submitting procurement requests.
Form Frenzy: Participants design and develop a state form, route it for approval, and secure a state form number (SFN)—all within fifteen minutes. Bonus points if the participant can convert the paper form to an online version.
The Shred Is Right: Contestants must guess the weight and total inches of a towering pile of records before racing to shred it the fastest. Bonus points awarded for correctly identifying the typeface and font size of the documents. Immediate elimination for accidentally shredding a document that was not on the record retention schedule.
Speed Typing Showdown: Employees must demonstrate typing speeds of at least 150 words per minute to avoid furlough while fielding phone calls and open record requests.
Legislative Limbo: Agency heads explain complex regulations to lawmakers in 30 seconds or less, earning bonus points for using visual aids such as imagery, videos and finger puppets (PowerPoint presentations are prohibited).
Hold Music Composition: Participants must compose an original “on hold” song using only a Casio keyboard and royalty-free MIDI saxophones. The winning composition will be adopted statewide and played every time someone calls a government office.
The Public Comment Gauntlet: Participants maintain professionalism while addressing public comments ranging from conspiracy theories to unsolicited policy proposals.
IT Ticket Triage: Contestants must diagnose and resolve an IT ticket with only the vague clue: “My computer doesn’t work.” Bonus points for fixing it without asking “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Immediate elimination for suggesting “Just submit a ticket and give us a few weeks to look into it.”
State Surplus Scavenger Hunt: Contestants must rummage through the State Surplus warehouse to fully furnish an office space for under $50. Bonus points for finding matching chairs, a functioning stapler, and a desk that doesn’t wobble. Immediate elimination if they go over budget or end up with three broken printers.
At the end of the season, the winning agency will receive an “Agency Got Talent” sticker securing their employment for another year. Agencies that fail to meet efficiency standards may face downsizing—or outright elimination.
Governor Kelly Armstrong says his office won’t oppose the amendment to HB 1442, should it be adopted.
“Government doesn’t create jobs. And we’ve got over 170 boards, commissions and state agencies in our state. That’s too many,” says Governor Armstrong. So no matter what form HB 1442 takes, I look forward to signing it when it reaches my desk. North Dakotans can hopefully look forward to some cost savings and get some quality entertainment as well when ‘Agencies Got Talent’ makes its debut.”
Prairie Public Television released a statement noting that should HB 1442 be amended to create "Agencies Got Talent,” North Dakotans shouldn’t expect it to air on their stations anytime soon due to proposed funding cuts by lawmakers in Bismarck.
“Unfortunately, if lawmakers pass HB 1255, which would cut our public funding, 'Agencies Got Talent' won’t be broadcast by us anytime soon alongside the likes of 'Sesame Street,' 'Caillou' and 'Arthur.'”
The Flickertail Times is a satirical blog. While some individuals and institutions depicted in our stories are real, the events described are fictionalized for humorous commentary and should not be taken as factual.