Nationwide Bird Flu Outbreak Fuels Allegations of a 'Chicken' Conspiracy at Bismarck Science Lab
Lawmakers Demand Answers as Taxpayer Dollars Fuel a Giant Chicken Conspiracy
BISMARCK, N.D. — Lawmakers in Bismarck are raising questions about a local Chicken Science Lab as cases of bird flu continue to rise across the country.
Nestled atop the rolling hills of Bismarck, Gateway to Science commands a sweeping view of the Missouri River. While the museum insists it's all about science education, some lawmakers suspect the facility hides far more nefarious secrets.
“It’s clearly a chicken on the side of the building,” says North Dakota Senator Jeff Magrum. “We’ve got good people paying $12 for a dozen eggs, hospitals overwhelmed and implementing visitor restrictions, and right smack in the middle of Bismarck is a giant chicken science lab. This whole thing stinks of Wuhan.”
Magrum has been sounding the alarm on parallels between the Wuhan Institute of Virology—cited as the source of the Covid-19 epidemic—and Gateway to Science’s connection to the uptick in bird flu infections.
His assertions have caught the attention of the North Dakota House Industry, Business and Labor Committee, which is considering creating a Department of Government Efficiency Division—similar to the federal agency created by Elon Musk (DOGE)—and tasking it with investigating Gateway to Science.
“It was brought to my attention that in 2021, at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic, legislators allocated over $13 million to Gateway to Science to conduct ‘science experiments’ via the passage of HB 1013,” said Representative Scott Louser, chair of the House Industry, Labor and Business Committee. “No questions asked, no follow-up—nothing. Instead, we just handed over a check to a group we know little to nothing about, operating inside a building with a giant chicken printed on its side. And now, people are getting sick while egg hoarding spirals out of control—all potentially at taxpayer expense. The first thing I'm ordering DOGE to investigate is Gateway to Science.”
An independent investigation by the Flickertail Times revealed that in 2021, the North Dakota legislature allocated $13.5 million in grants to Gateway to Science for science experiments. However, the Times has been unable to find any additional details on the nature or purpose of these experiments.
The North Dakota Department of Public Instruction confirmed that, as of March 31, 2022, it had provided $13.5 million in grants to Gateway to Science for science experiments.
“I’m obviously concerned,” says State Auditor Josh Gallion. “The public deserves to know what their tax dollars paid for. Was it to provide science education? Maybe. But as soon as the money dried up, the bird flu began to spread, and now entire communities are hoarding eggs. To me, the whole thing reeks of fowl play.”
Gallion added that his office attempted to visit Gateway to Science recently but was perturbed by signage at the museum urging guests to “mask up.”
“Clearly, they’re developing some sort of super virus inside if they’re warning the public to mask up before stepping inside,” says Gallion. “There are only two things that could possibly scare North Dakotans: roundabouts and masking. And it just so happens that Gateway to Science is asking for more tax dollars to build a roundabout near its entrance. So I guess we’ll never really find out what’s going on inside there.”
The Flickertail Times is a satirical blog. While some individuals and institutions depicted in our stories are real, the events described are fictionalized for humorous commentary and should not be taken as factual.