Dickinson High School Rebrands Midget Mascot as Leprechaun After Biden Administration Threatens Federal Aid
Part of sweeping DEI initiatives, change sparks outrage and community revolt
DICKINSON – Dickinson High School has officially retired its Midgets mascot, replacing it with Lenny the Leprechaun, after the Biden administration threatened to withhold federal education funding unless the change was made. The decision, part of a nationwide effort to enforce Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives, has sparked an uproar in the fiercely proud small-town community.
Despite efforts to appease both the federal government and outraged parents, the school board’s attempt at compromise—simply recoloring the exact same mascot, slapping a leprechaun hat on him, and calling it a day—has pleased no one.
“We tried to make a change that honored both tradition and progress,” said Dickinson Public Schools Superintendent Dr. Marcus Lewton. “The Biden administration wanted more, the parents wanted less, and here we are—with the same guy in a different color scheme and an angry town ready to burn my house down.”
A statement from the Biden administration, issued through the Department of Education, suggested the change did not go far enough:
“While the transition from the offensive Midgets mascot to Lenny the Leprechaun is a step in the right direction, the administration remains concerned that simply changing the colors and adding a hat does not fully address the issue. We urge Dickinson Public Schools to continue working toward a more meaningfuland authentic mascot transition in alignment with DEI goals.”
A Rich History Trampled by Bureaucracy
The Midgets mascot had been a cornerstone of Dickinson’s identity since the 1940s, when a local radio announcer dubbed the undersized basketball team “our midgets” during a game. The name stuck, and for decades, Dickinson High athletes proudly wore the title as a badge of honor, battling taller teams with scrappiness and grit.
“It’s a legacy,” said US Congressman Kelly Armstrong, a former resident and DHS athlete. “People act like we were making fun of little people. That’s not it at all. It was about our underdog spirit. Now they want to take that away because the bureaucrats here in D.C. decided it’s offensive.”
Community Uproar: ‘We Won’t Be Bullied By Washington’
News of the forced mascot change has sent shockwaves through Dickinson, where emotions are running high and resistance is growing.
The Dickinson High School Booster Club has announced it will not raise another dime for school athletics until the Midget name is restored.
“Not a single fundraiser, not a single dollar,” said Booster Club President Tom Keller. “This administration thinks they can just dictate what we do? Fine. Enjoy your unfunded programs.”
Some parents are going even further, pulling their kids from Dickinson High sports entirely.
“If my son can’t play under the Midgets name, then he’s not playing at all,” said local mother Sharon Callahan. “We’ll drive to Bismarck before we stand for this nonsense.”
But the most dramatic response has come from local cattle rancher, Dan McAllister, who vowed to personally ensure Dickinson’s kids don’t go hungry even if federal school lunch subsidies are cut off.
“Go ahead and not provide lunches. If I have to slaughter every one of my cattle to feed the kids and save the mascot, by God, I will.”
Meanwhile, Superintendent Lewton has reportedly received multiple death threats, with one voicemail stating:
“My dad was a Midget. I was a Midget. And dammit, my kids are going to be Midgets too—come hell or high water.”
What’s Next?
Despite the Biden administration’s warning that the mascot change “didn’t go far enough,” Dickinson’s school board has made it clear that they are not revisiting the issue anytime soon.
The North Dakota High School Activities Association has formally approved Lenny the Leprechaun, albeit with some reservations.
“Yes, Lenny has his own problematic characteristics—anger issues, alcoholism, an obsession with hoarding gold, and a long history of bar fights—but at least he’s not a Midget. And that’s what matters.”
A town hall meeting at The Wurst Shop is scheduled for next week, where school officials expect further pushback from angry residents.
“We’ll listen to concerns,” said School Board President Brent Seaks. “But unless someone finds a way to reverse federal DEI mandates overnight, Lenny the Leprechaun is here to stay.”
The Flickertail Times is a satirical blog. While some individuals and institutions depicted in our stories are real, the events described are fictionalized for humorous commentary and should not be taken as factual.