Bismarck Public Schools Announces Bold Winter Weather Policy Amid Record Low Temperatures
Parents react with a mix of shock, outrage and admiration
BISMARCK, ND — Parents checking their emails this morning were met with a stunning statement from Bismarck Public Schools (BPS), which confirmed that—despite life-threatening wind chills—school would remain open.
According to sources, the email was drafted with the help of former members of DEVGRU (SEAL Team Six) and Delta Force operators, ensuring it met the highest tactical standards of resilience, grit, and absolutely zero sympathy.
The statement reminded parents that "this is North Dakota, not California," and that any child who couldn’t handle a brisk walk to the bus stop "might not be cut out for the real world." The policy shift was further emphasized with the declaration that "the Biden-era approach to education is officially over—no more coddling, no more hand-holding."
To really drive the point home, the email concluded with a chilling image of Rocky IV villain Ivan Drago, complete with the caption: "If they die, they die."
Local parents were left unsure whether to laugh, cry, or start training their kids for the Iron Man competition.
Still, others noted the email was a breath of fresh air amid what they saw as an era of softness.
"Hell yeah—America is back, baby!" one commenter declared on social media, presumably while shotgunning a Monster energy drink and wrapping themselves in an American flag.
Hours later, BPS followed up with another email, noting that despite a record low temperature of -35 degrees in Bismarck, outdoor recess would remain as scheduled. The email included a video montage of alternative cold weather recess activities—spliced together from Rocky IV footage, featuring Sylvester Stallone chopping wood, shadowboxing, and outrunning communists.
When reached for comment, Bismarck Public Schools noted, “If parents have any concerns, they should consider relocating to another school district.”
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